But If We Started Dating It Would Ruin Our Friendship Where I Ask You To Do Things And You Do Them

BY KIMBERLY PRUITT

I really like you. I do. You’re so nice, and sweet, and you listen to all my problems and respond with the appropriate compliments. But, well, I don’t really see a relationship in our future. It would be terrible if we let sex destroy this great friendship we have where I get everything I want and you get nothing you want. Don’t you think?

I knew you would understand. You always do.

We’re so perfect as friends, you know? I can tell you anything, and you know you can always come to me anytime you need to hear me bitch about work or how ugly I feel. You wouldn’t want to ruin a friendship like that just so you could be my boyfriend, and have me look at you with desire and longing in my eyes, if only once—would you? Of course not. Well, if we started dating, it would only complicate this wonderful setup I’ve got going here.

It’s just…you’re like my best friend, and I would hate for something you desperately want to change that. I mean, sure, we could go on some dates, maybe mess around a little and finally validate the six years you’ve spent languishing in this platonic nightmare, but then what? How could we ever go back to the way we were, where I take advantage of your clear attraction to me so I can have someone at my beck and call? That part of our friendship means so much to me.

No. We are just destined to be really, really good friends who only hang out when I don’t have a boyfriend, but still need male attention to boost my fragile and all-consuming ego.

Anything can happen once you bring romance in. Think about how awful my last relationship was at the end, remember? The guy I’d call you crying about at 3 a.m. because he wouldn’t answer my texts? The guy I met at the birthday party you threw me? I had insanely passionate sex with him for four months and now we don’t even talk anymore. God, I would die if something like that happened to us.

Plus, ick, can you even imagine getting naked in front of each other? I’ve known you so long, you’re more like a brother that I’ve drunkenly made out with twice and never mentioned again. It’d be way too weird. And if we did, then whenever you’d come shopping with me, or go to one of my performances or charity events, or take me for ice cream when I’ve had a bad day at work, you’d be looking at me like, “I’ve seen her breasts.” God, I can’t think of anything more awkward that that.

Oh, before I forget, my mom says hi.

Anyway, you would totally hate me as your girlfriend. I’d be all needy and dramatic and slowly growing to love you. If I was your girlfriend, I would never be able to tell you all about the other asshole guys I date and pretend I don’t see how much it crushes you. Let’s never lose that. That’s what makes us us.

Don’t worry. You’re so funny and smart and amazing, any girl but me would be lucky to date you. You’ll find someone, I know it. And when you do, I’ll be right by your side to suddenly become all flirty and affectionate with you in front of her, until she grows jealous and won’t believe it when you say we’re just friends. But when she dumps you, that’s just what we’ll be.

Best friends. Friends forever.

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How does it feel to be in the flow?

How does it feel to be in the flow?

1. Complete involved in what we are doing – focused, concentrated.
2. A sense of ecstasy – of being outside everyday reality.
3. Great inner clarity – knowing what needs to be done, and how well we are doing
4. Knowing that activity is doable – that our skills are adequate to task.
5. A sense of serenity – no worries about oneself, and a feeling of growing beyond the boundaries of the ego.
6. Timelessness – thoroughly focused on the present, hours seem to pass by in minutes.
7. Intrinsic motivation – whatever produces flow becomes its own reward.

[via TED]

I felt this from time to time. And it has other name like “peace of mind”, “zen feeling”.

Update: Here is a diagram of how to get to flow, the nearer to “flow”, the easier it becomes.

How to achieve flow

Some Recent Ups and Downs (Including Twitter)

Because I am caught in between all the social websites, I am trying to have a life as well. I think the following video does speak some of our geeks’ heart out, well, only occasionally.

There are few things I am monitoring lately, starting with Google’s I/O conference with much attention on the upcoming Android system, the event is covered extensively online. If you are a devel geek, and in love with Google’s awesomeness, wait for the Google I/O videos to be online.

Then I started to use Twitter more often since days ago, which unfortunately had lately a lot of down times and service outbreak because of the backend service platform they are using are not quite scalable than they had thought.

Since Estee and I started our own show with Michael Cheng and Bernard Leong, I am constantly thinking how to improve, and when I stumble upon this video interview of Leo Laporte, I am really inspired.

That’s pretty much all is happening, remember to Follow Me Me, and Kevin Lim. If you really like Leo then follow Leo Laporte and Kevin Rose.

Dream Big and Implement It

Guy Kawasaki, who is going to Malaysia to give a talk soon, has a good idea on this, but I am not talking about him. He’s Gary Vaynerchuk, interviewed on CNBC on his ideas how he has realized his dream, and how they helped other people.

Facebook Applications – Are there really fewer?

Not very long time ago (about 40 days, as I counted, for I fasted from Facebook for 40 days), there were just numerous invitations of Facebook applications. I could still remember the time when I logon to my Facebook account, frowning at the number of application requests at the right-hand column. Even after I tried hard adding all the possible applications online (you can click to all my applications in the following snapshot, but from the sheer length of this snapshot, you know how many things I have there), I could still receive over 20+ requests everyday. I had no idea why I still received those requests, and I still have no idea about the mechanism they used.

With the recent addition of the “Ignore All” option for me, the job of clearing away all the requests become much much simpler, what I’ll do it just to remove those applications requests and then look through the event invitation and friends invitation one by one.

I know that is certainly not the best way of handling requests in life, but I think so far it has worked out really well for me. I am still able to explore all the events, friend relationships and wall posts through my newsfeed, which itself is a great application by far leading the rest of social networking sites by a large margin.

Still I am not satisfied, because there are indeed great Facebook application written over the time, but buried under tons of other junks written for trial and fun. I want to discover and use those applications and use them properly in order to maximize the potential of the platform.  Weighted ratings like those on IMDB might work, but again, starting with 20040 applications is not quite easy, but I guess they have already begun the work on it.

But recent discoveries of mine show that they are fewer and fewer application requests from people, as well for the notifications. My question now is rather:

Are people getting gradually bored of the Facebook application, or Facebook has started massive “weeding out junk” movement?

Fascinating Toys for Showing Off

I bought a 3×3 Rubik’s cube when the retro wind of toys blew on the land a while ago. That little cube reminded me of all the childhood games I played, which of course included those traditional and have-to-play ones like Robe Skipping, Pallets (I think pallets came around first), Ants Squashing etc.

But for me, I always had the advantage of being a playful boy, so I dismantled radios, getting AC current in a bowl of water to get oxygen and hydrogen (which caused a little explosion and colored my hair gold) and placing fully saturated copper sulfate solution into a microwave oven to heat in order for it to crystallize. And that curiosity of mine led to more things like a sodium-copper sulfate “bomb”, the first radio I wielded, and anatomy of a frog on drugs .

Before long, I mastered the ways of playing with a 3×3 cube, which I thought was boring enough once you knew the secrets. And then I bought this professor in ToysRus for 3 times the price, and I let it sit still on my office desk ever since, until I started playing with it yesterday.

To my amazement, using little bit of rules, this piece is actually easy to solve, and it could be really something to show to your friend when they were bored with the recent movies like Juno or TV series House.

My suggestion: get one and show to your friends how talented you are!

PS: If you find Juno and House not boring, you are not the only ones!

Hi, I am being social again.

I stopped blogging quote a while ago, as far as I can remember, last October or November, in exchange of something called “social life” – drinking cups of latte with friends, going to Holland Village to party at night, or simply being with someone I really like in the same room.

That would be still going on, until I saw Oliver Widder’s comic for last week:

For people who are in the world of Internet, blogging, or generally IT business, there would always be this added meaning of “socially active”, indulging yourself with online conversations, when we think of it. It is never a biased view, for we may view ourselves as more talented or sophisticated than those who are not, but rather for those who stay atop Internet for long tend to develop a second/third personality which only manifests when he is online. In order to keep a personality alive, the best way or perhaps the only way is to use it. Being overwhelmed by the information on the Internet, one could only participate in the activities to be part of the community, thus, the amount of time spent in front of the computer greatly reflects how “Internet-ally” one is active.

Having said all this, I guess the best way I could respond to what I have written is to spend enough hours online, write more content in my blog, twitter a bit more, and share more photos as the first step.

Happy Belated Easter

Lessons in Life: not that long, not that short.

My mind was filled with arguments about whether to argue about the values in people’s life, and how that is going to affect the person. And in the end, I would not be that nice after all towards things I dislike, though I think being nice to person is a basic rule of living.

I came across a blog post about ten lessons she learnt in her 23 years of life, most of which I disagree because of one reason or another:

Being a Christian, the two most important things in my life nowadays are my time of solitude and prayers, learning how to trust Jesus Christ to be my Lord through them. And only through Jesus, and his love, our wounds of the past could then be healed, pains could be taken away, joy could fill our heart again. I learned it in a hard way through trials and failures through my four years in the university. Though we can channel our emotions ups and downs into habits and addictions, but they will ultimately destroy us if we rely on them to solve the problems in our heart.

Parents, being the very people brought us alive onto this earth are always our parents, regardless we choose to spend more or less time with them because different circumstances we are in. However, developing a close relationship with parents, allowing them to be our friends, our mentors, our supporters takes much time and courage as well as a sense of willingness.

My friends are those people I choose to care for, those I like and have developed a certain level of intimacy with. While wanting to make friends with people I like, I also realize I have limited capacity to care for people in my life – my attention could be not spread across a growing circle of friends. Rev. Dr. A.R.Bernard mentioned in his sermon “Power of the mind”

When you discover you are the smartest person among your friends, it’s time to move on.

You may ask why? The reason: friends are those people who want to move forward with you, they should be as committed to growth as you are, open in sharing, and both internally and externally positive in life with a good character and integrity.

I want to improve myself constantly, in different areas which I could possibly find, broadening my knowledge while going deep with some areas I really love and are keen to explore. Thus I allow people to come and go in the circle of my friends, I want best friends I could have to go forward with me. When the definition of friend is diluted into acquaintance, the meaning of friend is lost also.

One last thing, it’s always good to have people disagree with me, to extreme, those who shout in my face, who argue with me because of different set of knowledge we have, and who guide me with their expertise in specific areas as well as more years in life. Though some are never intellectual, but many, provide me with alternative way of thinking about a problem, a truth, and allow me to examine my way of thinking and the fundamental set of beliefs that guide my life.

Walking Tubes on the Beach – A Type of New Life Form

Peter is not a hardcore evolutionist believer, but he is a hardcore believer in art and design.

I watched a video clip of beach “animals”(10 mins) from TED. What astonished me was not only the simple material and mechanism which makes the beach animal with numerous tubes walk by itself, but the concept of creating a new type of life from scratch.

(click to view)

Theo Jansen created the walking beach animal. To me, he is an artist, a scientist and an engineer, and much more than that. The genius idea inside his creation is not only stirring up an new phenomenon, the sensation and chill caused by it is more than what I people handle: we are seeing a new type of life form!

After watching the video, the question of creating life in this world has come into my mind again and again: are we creating something new that would ultimately destroy human race? Inspired by Raymond Kurzweil, Stanford university held the “Singularity Summit“. Perhaps there is more answers there.

Lost in Translation

“Beating someone is to care for someone and scolding someone is an expression of love…” – Estee Teo

This translation is so direct, which keeps me wondering if the author meant that way when he wrote it. There is indeed a Chinese term called “打是情骂是爱 (da shi qing, ma shi ai)”. But according to my understanding, the sentence has a different meaning. Translation appears deceptively easy if you have mastered two languages well enough. My translation lecturer Mr Shaun Yeo once said

“It is easy to speak fluently in two languages, but it takes twice the time to build the bridge in between.”

Isn’t it true that when we can easily get eggs, flour and water, but it take a great amount of efforts to make a cake out of these materials? And isn’t it true that when we missed an opportunity we considered great in our life later to discover there are even greater blessings from God?

There are many things seemingly bad in our lives, on the surface, they are nothing but bad. I could remember those times when my dad spanked me for what I did and my mom scolded me again and again for playing computer games. I was angry with them then for I did not understand what it took to discipline someone, only now have I started to thank my parents for what they have done in my life, realizing that my life could never be the same if they didn’t take courage to correct my ways in the past.

I always wonder if I could go back in time, to learn tolerance, to hold my anger when my parents disciplined me. But focusing on the things we don’t have forces us to have a mentality of “lacking”, and that does not help in our growth, while concentrating on the things we have already had helps us to grow in a direction where our life could be filled with thanksgiving and never be emptied again. It is interesting how the world has changed so much these days where people live in denial and materialism. Craving for power, longing for more and more in whatever way it can be. It is good to have big goals in life, but it is another matter to not be content all the time, just to seek that little thing in our life .

From the translation, we can see the philosophies people have towards life, which could be from the past experience as a student or working. There is a sense of straightforwardness in the expression that was being translated here, without much to be concerned and being thought of. Complexity makes things easy while simplicity gives extra complexity to the current problems.

From my understanding, the translation of that Chinese term is “It shows affection when you hit someone, and even love exists in scolding a person”.

life, fulfilment, translation, philosophy, love